We had some friends over a few weeks ago. I made homemade pizza. I know it doesn’t sound fancy, but I am really good at making homemade pizza. I’ve been working on the process for decades, trying different sauces and dough recipes.

I usually make it for my family every week, so I’ve had a lot of practice. Some weeks turn out better than others, but most of the time the pizza is good or very good. When we invited our friends over, I was pretty confident it would be at least okay.

How did I decide to serve pizza? There were several variables. I’m pretty good at making pizza, but I also knew our friends liked pizza. That was probably the most important variable. Our time together wasn’t just about me and what I liked. It was also about them (and what kind of pizza toppings they liked).

Imagine if my decision was based solely on what I wanted. What if I didn’t care if they liked pizza or not, or if they had a gluten allergy? It would be a short-sighted, myopic decision.

Some of my decisions are much smaller than what to serve for dinner. I have to decide how I will spend my mornings, what I should read, what to watch on TV, or how to respond to someone I’ve hurt. Actually, that last decision is bigger than what I will watch on TV, but still smaller than some life-altering decisions. Although if the person you are responding to is your spouse, it could end up being a bigger decision than you thought.

How I decide what to do matters more than the decision itself. If my decision-making process is based on me, my agenda, and goals, it means my focus is on me. I can’t speak for you, but I can be short-sighted. When I’m focused on myself, there can be unintended consequences. It’s good to recognize that I am biased and my decisions may reflect that.

Looking past myself to my friends made for a better dinner for all of us, but the appraisal process asks me to look further still. Other people matter, but they can’t have the final word either. If they did, I would be a prisoner to the opinions of others. The question isn’t only “What do I want?” or even “What do they want?” It’s “What does God want?” That’s what this appraisal process helps answer.

Van Kaam’s appraisal process helps us discern God’s will. While it is great for life-altering decisions, it can also help with day-to-day decisions. Again, how we make decisions matters. Van Kaam says this process can become a disposition, meaning it’s something done not only for big life decisions but for other decisions as well. As a disposition, it becomes how I live my life. It becomes second nature whether I’m deciding what job to take or how I spend my leisure time.

This is the last article in the series on the appraisal process, and I will address the last two steps: Affirmation of Formative Option and Application of Our Yes.

1. Abiding in Awe-Filled Attention
2. Apprehension
3. Acknowledging the Dissonance
4. Argumentation and Assessment
5. Appreciative Abandonment
6. Affirmation of Formative Option
7. Application of Our Yes

The appraisal process as a disposition both makes sense and enhances the process. The first step is to spend time abiding in awe-filled attention. Hopefully, abiding in awe-filled attention isn’t just something we do when we are facing life decisions, but a daily time when we put everything on hold to spend time in God’s presence.

It’s easy to become misaligned. It’s not only our natural inclination that makes us focus on ourselves. Our culture tells us to “look out for number one” and “go for the gusto.” We are encouraged to be the captain of our lives. The result of such directives is a skewed life. No wonder we feel fragmented and strained in our relationships. When everyone is living an “all about me” life, there’s not much room for others.

Time in God’s presence aligns us with him and opens us to God’s directives.

After we’ve spent time with God, apprehended God’s directive, acknowledged where there is dissonance, argued and assessed, and abandoned ourselves to God, we are ready for the last two steps.

Why not stop after we’ve abandoned ourselves to God? At this point, though, nothing has been done. We know God’s directive, and we’ve abandoned ourselves to him, but we haven’t yet done anything.

The next two steps are where our heartfelt yes becomes a lived-in-the-world yes.

Affirmation of Formative Option

I haven’t had many major life-altering decisions.

My last one was whether to retire from pastoral ministry. It wasn’t an easy decision, and my appraisal took well over a year. I’ve recorded my health journey on this blog, so I won’t go into detail about my health struggles, but that was one variable. There were others.

Thankfully, over the past twenty years I’ve made it a disposition to spend time in God’s presence every morning. I wanted to be open and receptive to what God wanted because I’m convinced God wants my best, and I experience abundant life when I’m aligned with him.

I can’t tell you the exact time I understood (apprehended) that it was time for me to retire, although, if pressed, I could come close because I also journal during my time with God. If you looked through my journal, you would see times of dissonance as well, which I acknowledge. There was a lot of me in that dissonance that I needed to address.

Over that year, I argued and assessed with God, others, and myself. I talked with friends. I talked with my wife. Even outside my time with God, I thought through what it meant for me to retire. I also created a spreadsheet of financial information, talked with those knowledgeable in finance, and watched a lot of YouTube videos about retirement finances. Could I do this financially? I wasn’t sure. Actually, I was concerned, yet within me, I knew the path God was leading me to. The question was: would I follow, or would I say, “Just one more year, Lord.”

Then, one day, I said, “You know, God, it is time.” Was I sure at that point? No, I wasn’t. Part of me was scared. What if I mess this up? Yet another part of me felt deep peace. I was confident, even though I wasn’t sure how it would all work, or what I would do exactly, that this was the path. Not just a path I wanted, but one that God was leading me to.

I had said “Yes” to God’s directive, which resulted in that peace, or, in van Kaam’s term, consonance. I had affirmed my appraisal of what it meant, at this time in my life, to follow faithfully. Yet, nothing was in stone. I could always turn back.

There was still one more step in this process:

Application of Our Yes

My first step in applying my “yes” was informing our leadership. I didn’t know how they would respond. Would they be upset? Would they feel like I was letting them and the church down? I was retiring early. Would they understand? I was both looking forward to the meeting and also dreading it at the same time. It would be good to get it behind me, but I knew they weren’t expecting it. Their response was supportive, but I also sensed concern. What would it mean for them to get a new pastor?

I’ve always had a strong sense of responsibility. Of all my concerns, the thought that I was letting people down bothered me most. I knew they would get a new pastor. I also believed many strong, capable pastors would do a better job than I could.

The appraisal process helped me to realize that my focus shouldn’t be on others’ opinions, or even my own. It lifted my eyes to what God was calling me to.

Still, one other “application of my yes” was needed. I wrote to the Bishop, Cabinet, and Board of Ordained Ministry to let them know I was retiring. They no longer needed to appoint me to a congregation, and they would need to replace me at my current congregation.

Wow. Talk about a weight. That was the moment my decision became real. Before sending that letter, I’m sure I could have gone back to my church leaders and said, “You know. I’ve made a horrible decision. I think I’ll stay one more year.” I’m confident they would have sighed in relief and welcomed me back. Writing to the Bishop meant there was no going back.

Once I finished the letter and sent it in, I felt a wave of relief. It was done. It was finished. Even though I didn’t know how it would all work out, I knew that God was leading me down the path and that all would be well.

This last step is where you live out a yes to God. God’s directives are incarnated, leading to consonance. Just because the big decision has been made doesn’t mean we pack up the appraisal process and stick it in the attic. I continue to seek God. I continue to spend time with him. This process is not a one-time activity. It is a posture.

Whenever we pray the Lord’s Prayer, we say, “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” This process helps us actively seek God’s will and live it each day.

The result is a sense of peace. When others are telling you to get on the donkey or off the donkey, you have a deep peace that you are following God’s directive, and that peace radiates through your life into a world locked in distraction and complaint.

We make many decisions all the time. Van Kaam’s process helps us to make those decisions in light of God’s purpose and will for us. This article and series are a lot longer than I anticipated. If you’ve been following this series, I pray some of it has helped you recognize that God loves you and cares about you. God desires to guide you to places of blessings and abundant life. I pray that you might experience all the blessings he desires for you.

If you ever desire to talk, reach out and let me know.

Peace,

David