Ever have a bad day? Yeah. We all have. Not all my days go smoothly. Sure, some days are wonderful. The sun shines, the birds sing, and everything is right with the world. But then there are those other days. Nothing goes right. Equipment breaks. There’s an accident. The day is filled with interruption after interruption.

Every day I have to answer a question. How I answer that question determines how the day turns out. The answer also determines my relationship with God. Some days I have to ask it over and over again.

The question is both simple and difficult. Does life, ultimately, make sense? Is life meaningful or meaningless? Underneath these questions is the most important one: Can I trust God? Not only in the small things, not just when I’m looking for a parking space, but all the time, every day, good days, bad days, boring days, normal days, and amazing days. Can I trust God today? Can I trust God with my life?

My first reaction is to cry out, “Yes,” but then I hesitate, “not so fast.” It’s easy to trust God on the good days. In fact, I trust God so much on those days that I may not even think about him. When I get “the news” that drops me to my knees, or when what I’ve hoped and dreamed comes crashing down, that’s when the question gets tough. Do I trust him now? It’s complicated, but how I answer it makes all the difference.

As Jesus faced the cross, he asked God to provide another way. Yet he trusted God so much that he could abandon himself to God’s will and purposes as he walked faithfully to the cross. When Jesus prayed, “Thy will be done,” it wasn’t an easy prayer. His sweat became like drops of blood as he let go of his desires to embrace God’s. In the end, he chose to follow God’s will and plan rather than his own.

It might be tempting to think Jesus skipped his way to the cross, but his prayer in Gethsemane shows that wasn’t the case.

If I want to be faithful, really faithful, it only happens if I trust God so much that I can abandon myself to him. Abandoned usually means something is deserted. Here we use it not as being left, but rather “letting go,” or being “handed over.” When I face difficulties, can I give myself over to God, trusting in him, his love, and that even life’s trials are meaningful? When I am in the garden of frustrating challenges, can I pray, “Thy will be done”?

This attitude of abandonment is vital if we are going to be faithful in the appraisal process. This process helps because we tend not to appraise directives coming into our lives. Instead, we “go with our gut,” “listen to our heart,” or give in to the opinions of others.

If we want to be faithful to God and our unique communal call, we must appraise directives. Adrian van Kaam gives a process to do just that:

1. Abiding in Awe-Filled Attention
2. Apprehension
3. Acknowledging the Dissonance
4. Argumentation and Assessment
5. Appreciative Abandonment
6. Affirmation of Formative Option
7. Application of our Yes

We are nearing the end of this process. So far, we have spent time abiding in awe-filled attention, apprehended the directives God’s calling us to, acknowledged where there might be dissonance, and have argued and assessed those directives. Now, will we follow? At this point, we are ready to abandon ourselves to God. Because we trust him, we can abandon ourselves appreciatively.

When I’ve appraised God’s directives, in order to be fully faithful, I too abandon myself to God. I do so appreciatively in faith, knowing that God loves me and his way will bring peace and life even if it means going through difficult times. Appreciative abandonment is not simply a choice; it becomes a disposition allowing me to continually choose God’s directives over other voices beckoning me.

Remember the question I said we must ask? Is life meaningful? When we answer “yes,” we can appreciatively abandon ourselves to God because we know that God can be trusted. However, we might answer that question differently. We may say that life doesn’t make sense. That life is random, and God can’t be trusted. When we answer that way, we may still abandon ourselves, because, after all, we really don’t have any other choice. Instead of appreciative abandonment, we choose depreciative abandonment. We move forward with gritted teeth, only obeying because he is God and we feel more like slaves than children.

It doesn’t even look like rebellion. Most often it looks like faithfulness. We pray, go to church, and help out in the food pantry. But something underneath has quietly stopped expecting anything of God. We keep up appearances, but we no longer desire to seek God’s direction. We feel that we can’t truly trust God.

Depreciative abandonment affects everything in our lives. Van Kaam wrote that instead of abandoning ourselves TO God, we feel abandoned BY God. That’s huge. Instead of believing that life is meaningful, we believe it is meaningless. Instead of seeing formative opportunities, we become bitter and angry. It seems like the world, or God, is out to get us. We wonder, “What have I done wrong to deserve this?”

Appreciative abandonment opens us up to opportunities. We begin to realize that God works within trials and challenges. We see opportunities for transformation and a deepening relationship with God and others. Life is no longer meaningless; even our difficulties bring deeper meaning. Life takes on a deeper dimension. Bitterness is replaced with blessing and gratitude because we know life is filled with meaning and purpose.

While we desire to hear God’s directives, we must realize this is not just a Jesus-and-me process. Even in the beginning, God said it wasn’t good for man to be alone. Others can help us in appraising the path we are to walk. That’s why it is important to be plugged into a community of faith, because God speaks through others who faithfully follow him. This process doesn’t mean we go it alone. As Jeremiah points out, our hearts are deceitful. Our hearts can lead us astray.

I still get off track. That’s one of the challenges of seeking God’s directives. I go rogue. My heart manipulates me, my pride leads me astray, and my flesh deceives me. Listening to God is more of an art than a science, and we must remember that our hearts are often led astray. Being connected to a community of faith can help us in our appraisal process. When people who know and love us are around, they can tell when things have shifted. They can help us see the beauty in the mess and that God can be trusted.

I am convinced that life is meaningful because God can be trusted. I don’t understand all of God’s ways. I don’t know why good things happen to bad people, or bad things happen to good people. Because I believe God can be trusted, I can view difficulties, challenges, and trials in the light of his love and grace. Everything is filtered through his love, and that makes all the difference.

Once we can say that yes, not through gritted teeth, but in trust, we are ready for the next step: affirming the formative option God has set before us.

Peace, David