Hello, Old “Friend”:

I’m sitting on the couch, minding my own business, when the doorbell rings. With a reluctant sigh, I stand up, a little disgusted that I’ll miss some of the ballgame, and open the door.

“What are you doing here?” I blurt out, both surprised and annoyed. It’s been a while, but the raspy voice is unmistakable. “You’re such a loser.”

Yep. I knew it. I’d say he was a friend, but I really don’t like him. Mr. Self-Doubt has arrived.

He shows up from time to time. The “you’re a loser” bit? I’m used to it. He actually says things that are much worse than that, but let’s leave it at that.

I look again. “Oh great,” I think. He’s not alone. Heading up the sidewalk is Mrs. Catastrophic, wringing her hands, urgently whispering, “How can you relax? What if everything falls apart?” Then I see Sir Fear not far behind, stern and shadowy, adding, “People won’t like you if they see the real you.”

Sound familiar? Maybe you, too, have opened your door to these voices.

Like a Bad Penny:

These habitual thoughts, quietly entrenched, steer our emotions and decisions without us realizing it. The thoughts come repeatedly, and sometimes, we feel powerless to stop them. They are messages we’ve heard so many times before, ones we know aren’t true but still can’t seem to silence.

I’ve written about habits before. Most habits are readily visible – both good and bad. But our habitual thoughts lie under the surface, keeping a low profile. They’re so well hidden that we may not even consider them habits. Yet, every day, these thoughts take us captive without us even knowing it’s happening.

In a typical day, we have over 50,000 thoughts—you read that right. These thoughts usually hide, slipping in and out of our consciousness like shadows. Sometimes, though, they come knocking so loudly that we can’t help but answer the door.

Where do they come from?

Birthed in Darkness:

Psychology points to our anxieties, emotions, history, subconscious, and painful memories. Neuroscience suggests neural activity, complex networks of electrical and chemical signals, and random firing called “mind noise.” John Cassian, a 4th-century monk who shaped Christian monastic practices, believed these thoughts came from God, ourselves, or the enemy.

But the important issue isn’t where these thoughts come from – it’s what we do about them. How can we find peace?

Nesting Habits:

Martin Luther once said, “You can’t keep birds from flying around your head, but you can keep them from making a nest in your hair.” Words to live by.

Just because thoughts always fly around our head, doesn’t mean we have to open the door, invite them in, and watch an episode of Jeopardy with them!

We are not our thoughts. The spiritual masters teach us to observe without judgment and choose what to focus on. The practice is simple: notice the thought, label it, and refocus. Repeat as needed, anchoring yourself in the truth of God’s love and promises.

Practice Makes Permanent:

It takes practice. When we become aware we’re thinking in one of these patterns, we can choose to let that thought go and refocus our attention – perhaps on how much we are loved by God, how God has our back, how God will never leave or forsake us, or that we can do all things through the strength of Christ. We will fail at times, but that’s part of the practice.

Here are the common patterns to watch for:

Self-Criticism and Doubt: “I’m not good enough,” “I always mess things up.”

Catastrophic Thinking: “What if everything goes wrong?” “This will end badly.”

Perfectionism: “If I don’t do this perfectly, people will think less of me.”

Fear of Rejection: “People won’t like me if they know the real me.”

Comparisons: “They’re so much better than I am.”

Hopelessness: “Things will never get better.”

Overgeneralization: “Nothing ever works out for me.”

Imposter Syndrome: “Soon, everyone will find out I’m a fraud.”

How much of that “inner chatter” has knocked on your door? Did you let it in?

Each thought may knock at the door, but we decide who stays. With practice, we can shift from being captive to our thoughts to choosing the peace found in God’s enduring presence.