This is the first entry and I’m not sure where to begin. There are still four months before I leave. I have tickets to Scotland and three nights reserved at Iona. The rest of the plans are up in the air.

I’m looking forward to the four months off, but mostly what I’m looking forward to is not being contacted which I feel is very strange. I feel like I’m taking a step back. A big step back.

In a coaching session, the difference between weight and pace came up. I feel like the pace of my life is pretty good right now. The weight, well, that’s a different story.

The weight of leading and guiding a church in the season of covid has been heavy. That weight gets added to the weight of leading a congregation to new areas and opportunities. There are many challenges and cultural that add to that weight. I told Lora I just wanted it to end. I’m looking forward to the weight being removed at least for a while.

I’ve wondered what I will do on April 4th. With no sermon to prepare, no songs to choose, no meetings to go to…I will be left to who I am.

IDENTITY Who am I if not for the church, if not a pastor. I don’t view my identity as a pastor. I do pastor, but who am I, who do I identify as, I have no idea. Not really. I’m not sure I care all that much.

HOPES I’m not sure what my hope is as we head to Scotland. I wanted to go to Scotland first because I sense I need a readjustment. I’m not sure how shattering the re-adjustment will be.

Yet, I don’t have to wait for my sabbatical to begin that process. Each day I have a choice to move in that direction and that is what I really need to do.